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Does God prevent some from ever marrying?

A Xt3 Member asked at 2:25pm on December 20th 2018
Does God Prevent some people from ever marrying even if it is all they have ever wanted? I feel like God knows how important marriage is for me and that I don't have long for kids, but I feel like no matter how much I ask him to help my relationships or help me find the right person, he never helps. I have always been a good person, but lately I have become a very angry person, and I am starting to resent people who are close to me, who have marriage and children, Why did god help them, but not me. I don't have long to have children, and I would never be able to continue a relationship with the lord if he refuses me of this, because to me it means he doesn't care. So my question is, why does he choose certain people to deprive of marriage and children?

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Hi Abby, I don't think I'll be able to answer your question, since it's one of the biggest questions of all - why do innocent people have to suffer? You can imagine all through history there have been millions of people who have asked that question too, Why me? And your own question has been asked again and again by women who have not found a partner they could share their lives with and with whom they could have a family.

About 12 years ago, I got to know a man. Vern, who was suddenly struck, I think it was when he was in his late 30, with multiple sclerosis. That immediately cost him his job, and soon after, his wife abandoned him to the care of his mother. In the care home where he lived, he wrote poetry, sang songs (as long as he could) for the other patients, and one poem, this not particularly religious guy wrote, stuck in my mind. He entitled it: 'Are you listening, God?'

I know you are powerful, mighty and strong

but personally I think

you got this wrong

or did you?

Vern knew there was no cure for the kind of MS he had, but that 'or did you?' indicated for me that he'd reached a level of acceptance.

Just as another great friend of mine, Eddie, found he had muscular dystrophy from when he was about 7 years old, the most serious kind that normally meant those suffering from it died about age 17. Still, Eddie had found a way to go beyond his suffering, a way that showed itself in his remark about a seriously depressed student I'd brought to have a chat with him. After the student left, Eddie said to me, 'it's a pity he doesn't understand that you don't solve problems, you love them.' I didn't quite get what he meant for a while, but realized that Eddie knew his 'problem' couldn't be solved (in fact he died at 31, living nearly twice as long as he was expected to) but that he'd come to accept it.

And I'll draw on what he told me to pick up your question again. Eddie had discovered that when Jesus cried out on the Cross, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' he had reached the depths of his suffering. Worse than the nails, than the humiliations, was his experience of being, it seemed, abandoned by his own Father. Once Jesus said, 'the Father and I are one.' Now that oneness was torn in two, and it seemed his Father no longer loved him.

I'm not asking you to accept that as an 'answer' to your terribly tough experience. But at least you can be sure that Jesus being forsaken - along with his Mother being desolated by the loss of her Son as she stood by him - that both of them are sharing in your own experience of forsakenness by God, and of desolation in the possibility of your losing, having a family of your own. Jesus does go on to say to his Father, 'into your hands I entrust my spirit.' And Mary, through accepting the loss of her Son, becomes the Mother of humanity. My prayer is that they will both come into your heart and help you to bear the tremendous suffering you have spoken about, and I'll certainly keep your hopes for meeting someone who could be your husband in my own prayers every day. Very best, fr Brendan
Xt3's Ask a Priest answered at 3:21pm on February 12th 2019 reply

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